Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
