Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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