why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I will be naked everywhere
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's blow job season.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
