I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
