I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
