you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
