Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
