i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
