like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
