M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
