Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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