do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just tell him i said nine months
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
