I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
