I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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