none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Randomize
