She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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