YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
