I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
