that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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