So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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