Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
