My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
