one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
