Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
