Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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