I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
