dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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