It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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