Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
