doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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