mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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