Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
