ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize