Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I want a musical about memes.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
