When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
