She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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