Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
