My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
