Tell her she can't have a vagina
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
