did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
