You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
