yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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