my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
