Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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