omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize