i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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