God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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