she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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