I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
