I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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