im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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