Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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