I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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