Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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