THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
