can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
