My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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