I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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