i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
