She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
