Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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