that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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