so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
