My hand turned me down
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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