There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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