Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
