"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize