I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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