dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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